Because they have a tour to sell tickets for, TISM have been cajoled into releasing a new single ’70s Football from their forthcoming album, DEATH TO ART, out October 4.
We have assembled some of the responses to the news of TISM’s impending Australian tour, tickets are on sale now.
“Having spent their twenty-five years’ absence safely out of the lion’s den, with Death To Art tour announcement TISM go back in for their hat.” – Bruce Lehrmann
“Absolutely griping.” – Illiterate Online Show Off
“Do you mean ‘absolutely gripping music’?” – Pedant Association
“TISM are like me: in great form! Fit, pumped, on the ’roids. Haemorrhoids.” – Pete Evans
“Sorry! I was just trying to be smart! Everyone keeps saying that to me: ‘Ha, ha, Bruce, show us your hat!’ I’ll never be able to buy a hat again, you know that?! Isn’t that punishment enough? And just the other day I had my ‘Warnie Hat Trick MCG 1994’ t-shirt on, and everyone was laughing at me, and I didn’t know why, and now I’ll have to sell it once I wash the cocaine out of it.” – Bruce Lehrmann
“I mean griping. They complain a lot.” – Less Illiterate Than We First Thought Online Show Off
“Surely they mean Deaf To Art?” – Nick Cave
“Not as good as The Mavis’s.” – The Mavis’s
“The Mavis’s what?” – Possessive Apostrophe Association
“Fuck off.” – The Mavii
“Good Father’s Day gift.” – Anyone under 30
“It was great. I could see my limbs, but they weren’t part of my body.” – Australian Ketamine Disassociation
(To be fair, TISM aren’t certain the AKD was actually talking about the tour.)
“Linda Reynolds told me to say TISM are shit. I think it was Reynolds. Might’ve been Angus Taylor. Or Dan Tehan. Look, to be honest, when you’re working at The Australian sometimes it’s hard for a fair and balanced journalist to know which mediocre shadow-cabinet minister’s mouthpiece you currently are.” – Janet Albrechtsen
“I strongly resent the implication above that my opinions are not my own. I suppose you’ll ignore – yet again – the story I broke years ago that at The Guardian they supply every journalist with small, mysterious bottles of poisonous fluid designed to change the racial balance of our society. They even call it ‘White Out’! Yet no-one complains, except us here drinking Glenfiddich at 3:00 am in the C-suite at The White Australian.” – Janet Albrechtsen
“The Australian. I meant The Australian, of course, not the White Australian. How silly of me! Innocent mistake! Don’t tell Rupert or Lachie! The roll out of the new branding isn’t due for public release until the campaign against the Makaratta comm— Oh! No!” – Janet Albrechtsen
“Fuck it, who cares? And why do we need a Macarena commission anyway? I’m sick of that song.” – Janet Albrechtsen
“TISM have gone over the cliff. And don’t fucking tell anyone I said that.” – Ben Roberts-Smith
“The Death To Art tour is not as good as the t-shirt we just bought:
Phil DeFreitas, lbw Warne, 0
Darren Gough, c Healy, b Warne, 0
Devon Malcolm, c Boon, b Warne, 0” – TISM
[Please note: drug testing is available at all TISM live shows. Present your pills at the WAC (“Worried Adult Children”) tent and see if you’ve purchased the pure stuff, including your pills for cholesterol, arthritis and, TISM’s own favourite, estrogen deficiency.]
